so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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