Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
