I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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