I like to think it a success when the cops are called
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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