we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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