I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
