Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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