I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
This girl is more easily done than said...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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