i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
