dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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