i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
