first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
