Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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