hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
