if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Text me some of your sweat
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
