Just cropdusted the office
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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