my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
