this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
