Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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