i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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