while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize