nut hugger
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
