I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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