This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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