are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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