I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
