I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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