Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
