the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
