i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
