Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He? As in you personified your dick?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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