When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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