Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
