haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you would pick up someone in the library
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Houston, we have a squirter
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize