so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
