im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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