Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
