i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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