first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
