We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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