Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
