I think I am morally bankrupt
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
