im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
