girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
