i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
