I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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