i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
