and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
