I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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