I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
