dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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