Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
