I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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