I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
