We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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