On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
