my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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