You're completely useless in the revolution.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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