So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize