You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize