I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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