True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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