I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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