..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize