I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
