Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
