another moral hangover. fuck.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
