Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
