According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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