i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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