I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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