girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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